The Waves of Life

Insights that Transcend East and West

There are insights that repeat across time and geography:

• Buddhism: Suffering (Dukkha) is not something to be removed, but something to be perceived.

• Stoicism: Pain is outside our control; our attitude is within it.

• Schopenhauer: Desire is what haunts and torments life.

• Nietzsche: Nevertheless, affirm life (Amor Fati).

• Modern Psychology: Avoidance only amplifies the pain.

These perspectives commonly suggest that life is not a structure where things become easy once you solve a problem; rather, it is a structure of waves that come and go. A well-lived life is not a life without pain, but a resilient life.

Humans: Less Rational, More Truthful than We Think

Philosophy has long called humans rational beings, but modern reality reveals a different truth: we are experts at rationalisation, vulnerable to self-deception, and beings who live by weaving stories. Interestingly, no matter how much we lie to ourselves, our bodies and emotions react first. Humans lie, but discomfort does not. Eastern philosophy observed this turbulence of the heart early on, and modern Western psychology is only now catching up.

The Power that Leads Life: Not Control, but a Reference Point

Moments when life collapses in both East and West usually occur when our internal reference point shifts outward: when life is shaken by the evaluations of others, or when comparison becomes the rudder. Conversely, those with 'mental muscle' possess one of the following: faith, the Tao (Way), virtue, or a deeply personal sentence of life ("This is not it" or "This is me.") A person who can clearly utter these two sentences are someone who has not lost themselves.

Practicing the Self in Relationships: An Eastern Philosophical Perspective

How can one maintain the self in relationships? Mencius spoke of Ren (Benevolence/Humanity) and suggested that the evidence of being human is Cigu-jin-sim (Compassion/The feeling of commiseration). There is a concept called Yuja-ip-jeong: if a child is crawling toward a well, anyone, no matter how wicked, will instinctively try to save them. This action isn't based on calculation, a desire for reward, or concern for reputation; it is an immediate, innate human response. Deeply understanding others, viewing their situations contextually, possessing high empathy, and holding onto hope - these are the closest expressions of this "compassion."

The concept that completes this inner benevolence is Li (Etiquette/Propriety). In Eastern philosophy, Li is more than just rules or norms; it is the art of relating. Confucius noted in the Analects the dangers of virtues practiced without Li:

• Courtesy without Li leads to toil (exhaustion).

• Prudence without Li leads to timidity (fear).

• Bravery without Li leads to insubordination (violence).

• Straightforwardness without Li leads to rudeness (harshness).

Here, Li represents balance in relationships and the essential channel through which our inner heart is expressed. It is a process of maturity.

• Being overly empathetic and polite without Li leads to personal exhaustion.

• Being too cautious of others without the balance of Li leads to fear when one needs to speak up.

• Being strictly upright based on a moral yardstick without Li can cause one to be misunderstood as harsh or cold.